Buckingham Family Keeps Memory of Child Alive by Reconnecting with NICU Staff

LEXINGTON, Ky. (March 12, 2015) — On the morning of Feb. 4 at Kentucky Children's Hospital, nurses guided incubators carrying fragile newborns down the center hallway of the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). At the end of the hallway, the Buckingham family clustered together, peering inside a pod where nurses monitored infants swaddled in pink and blue blankets.

Amy Buckingham motioned toward an isolette on the left side of the pod.

"That was Myles' bed," Amy Buckingham said. In February 2011, Amy and Tim Buckingham's twin sons Myles and Hagan were babies inside this nursery pod. While holding onto the rambunctious little blond boy Hagan who recently celebrated his fourth birthday, Amy Buckingham remembers the brown-haired baby Myles who never got the chance to come home.

Last month, the Buckinghams returned to the Kentucky Children's Hospital neonatal intensive care unit exactly four years after they said goodbye to their child Myles. Greeted by members of the NICU nursing staff as old friends, the family took the opportunity to reconnect with several health care providers who supported the family during a time of stress and heartbreak.

Celebrating Myles' "Angelversary," the milestone of his passing at Kentucky Children's Hospital, is one way the family honors his memory and continues to show appreciation for the nurses, doctors, child life workers and physician's assistant who cared for Myles during his 28 days of life.

"I think the biggest fear for a parent in our situation is that their baby will be forgotten," Amy Buckingham said. "I know here that he is not forgotten. It is kind of a way for us to remember him and to see the people who meant so much to us during that time in our lives. We know that they won't forget him."

Early in Amy's pregnancy with the twins, doctors diagnosed one of the babies with a diaphragmatic hernia, a birth defect that prevents the lungs from developing normally. In anticipation of complications after delivery, doctors referred the family to UK HealthCare for complex care. At 32 weeks, Amy Buckingham went into labor and delivered two boys at UK Chandler Hospital.

Despite arriving early and at about 4 pounds, Hagan was a healthy, developed baby who needed some time to strengthen in the NICU. But Myles, the baby diagnosed with the diaphragmatic hernia, was too small and weak for corrective surgery. Surgeons and doctors told the Buckinghams the only option at the time was to "hope, wait and pray" for Myles to become healthy enough for surgery. In the meantime, the family spent their days at the hospital, splitting time with Myles and Hagan, who were initially in separate nursery pods. Nurses arranged for the babies to be relocated side-by-side, but there was still no suitable location for the family to accept visitors or engage in private conversations with the medical team. One of the hardest conversations about Myles' condition was held in a small room near the entrance of the NICU.

"It almost felt like a storage closet," Tim Buckingham said of the room.

Finally, after a nearly month-long waiting period, Tim and Amy Buckingham received news from the medical team that prompted their decision to take Myles off of oxygen support. After Myles passed away, the nurses arranged for a period of bonding designed to help the family through the grieving process. The family spent four hours with Myles after his death. Because Myles was in an incubator since birth, it was important for Amy and Tim to touch, bathe and hold their baby before saying goodbye. Through "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," a program provided by the nursing staff's Bereavement Committee, professional photographer took pictures of Myles and helped create a keepsake box, which includes a plaster caste of Myles' hands. Tim Buckingham will always treasure the image of nurse Elizabeth Lyster gently rocking Myles as the family walked out of the hospital.

After the Buckingham family's experience in the NICU, nursing manager Shannon Haynes and the Buckinghams' primary care nurse Carrie Wyllys were motivated to convert the vacant utility room into a more aesthetically pleasing location for families needing privacy in the NICU. They painted the room a tranquil blue and put down carpet. They also brought in couches and several rocking chairs.

The Buckingham family, who remained in contact with their nurses and physician assistant Tria Kinnard, found out about the renovation effort and expressed a desire to contribute. On the second Angelversary of Myles' death, they returned to the NICU to donate two decorative lamps to the room. They've also donated original pieces of framed artwork from their friends at Cricket Press to the room.

"It means a lot to come back here and know that, even if it's just a lamp or a picture that we gave, we are hopefully helping other families," Tim Buckingham said.

On Myles' fourth Angelversary, the Buckinghams donated a painting with special meaning in the bereavement room. The painting depicts a row of trees representing all three of the Buckingham children — a tall tree as older sister Joleigh and the two identical trees as the twin boys Hagan and Myles. In giving back to other families and reuniting with Kinnard, Wyllys and the nursing staff at Kentucky Children's Hospital, the family feels they are choosing joy instead of sorrow. They are leaving more than just a furnishing or a painting in the NICU — they are leaving the story of their son.  Tim Buckingham believes storytelling is a powerful tool for connecting and relating to other people.

"Our story isn't drastically different than anyone else's, but your story is something that someone can't really take away from you," Tim said. "I think that is what we leave behind. Just sharing our child's memory, but also what we went through and what we dealt with."

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MEDIA CONTACT: Elizabeth Adams, elizabethadams@uky.edu